3 Jan

For the past 25 years I never really got into holidays. As a teen they usually were filled with an irate parent wreaking emotional havoc after dinner. This was such a constant, that when I got older I always thought it would be better to spend my holidays with people whom I didn’t know all that well or alone. I loved doing something crazy and a little different during the holidays — they became a time of exploration and self-reflection instead of a season filled with wrapping paper and long-held emotional baggage.

Some of the things I did during my holidays in years past included sitting quietly in a cafe reading or knitting, scuba diving in Bali, climbing an active volcano at dawn or chilling in a hot spring in Okinawa. All things that meant that my holidays, while fun for me, were times when I was alone.

This has all changed during the past couple of years since Doug and his family really like to celebrate.

I had forgotten the anticipation of the holiday season. How it could be fun — that people can actually enjoy themselves. Spending time with Doug’s family was really a change. Kids get so excited about things, family can gather together without yelling or tears. Traditions can be passed down from one generation to another. For the past 2 years Christmas has actually been fun. I find myself becoming less jaded about the season. Holidays now have a meaning.

Now that I’m expecting, I find myself looking forward to holidays, wanting to share them with Doug and Alex, hoping that they will become a time filled not just with traditions and presents, but also with reflections on what life truly is about.

Thanks to Doug, the holiday season for me has no longer become a time filled with cynical dread but rather a time when I realize just how much I have to be thankful for.


4 Responses to “Holidays”

  1. knitplaywithfire January 3, 2008 at 8:33 pm #

    It sounds like you had fun though. But being in Bali sounds like fun.

  2. Rina January 3, 2008 at 10:53 pm #

    I can kind of relate. My relationship with my mother has always been tense, and in my 20s I always opted to spend the main holiday with friends and my sister, with an obligatory visit to my mom.

    It’s wonderful that you’ve been able to enjoy warmer family pastimes recently. I do think that the holidays are best when you have little kids. Not that I know from experience, but I imagine! Happy New Year to you.

  3. geckogrrl January 4, 2008 at 11:40 pm #

    Thanks for the comments — Rina, I totally know how you feel and Happy New Year! KWPF — Bali was a blast and maybe someday I’ll be able to do something fun like that again (but with family in tow…).

  4. teresa January 5, 2008 at 12:59 am #

    I’m so glad you’re now part of a family you can really enjoy the holidays with, not to mention growing your own! Happy new year!

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